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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27772384">Not So Innocent</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xBreeButterflyx/pseuds/xBreeButterflyx'>xBreeButterflyx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Child Death, Childhood Trauma, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Marijuana, References to Depression, Religious Conflict, Secrets, Self-Hatred, Supportive Magnus Bane, Underage Drinking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:29:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,152</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27772384</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xBreeButterflyx/pseuds/xBreeButterflyx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus once told him his past could scare him away. What he didn't realize though, was that Alec has a past of his own. One that he believes will be the final straw to their relationship. How will Magnus react when he catches Alec red-handed?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>101</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not So Innocent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>CW: Graphic depictions of violence and drug usage. You have been warned.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec stares up at the bright, twinkling stars hanging above the balcony in the murky night sky. His mind, typically a racing jumble of stressful thoughts and worries, clear and relaxed for the first time in what seems like ages. He exhales a slow, steady breath; a cloud of dense smoke following.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p><em>'</em><em>Angels, what am I doing?' </em>He thinks to himself.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>This is so incredibly risky. Magnus could portal in at any given moment and catch him out here. Today had been especially taxing on his mind. Between an unexpected ambush resulting in the loss of two of his best soldiers, discovering a new, prejudiced law attempting to be pushed through the clave, and Jace and Clary nearly being deruned and thrown out of the shadow world for being caught going against orders <em>again</em> and placing an anti-tracking rune on an (unfairly) wanted vamp, it was decidedly too much for him to bear in a single shift. His mind was ready to implode on itself before he had lit up the joint resting between his fingers.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>He thought he could handle the rest of the night without it and ended up taking the subway home. But when he shoved off his jacket and weapons belt in the entryway, only to discover his boyfriend had taken off last minute to see an important client, his mind finally snapped. The only thing that had been holding him together in one piece was the thought of seeing his warlock's sparkling, cat-slitted eyes blinking up at him in excitement once he stepped into the loft. The anticipation of sinking into his strong, protective embrace and feeling the weight on his shoulders dissipate. Unfortunately, when he realized that was not going to happen, he had almost instinctively ripped his stash out from his weapons belt and mindlessly rolled the joint in his hand. Before he even realized what he was doing he'd already taken the first hit.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>After that it was too difficult to put away. It eased his racing mind and relaxed his tense muscles. Seeing Magnus would have helped far more than this but it was the second best thing and the only one he had on hand at the moment. So he slumped back into the chair on the balcony and just hoped that his love wouldn't arrive earlier than he'd said he would be in his note.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Magnus had this image of Alec in his head that he never wanted to tarnish. Strong-willed, golden, pure. Innocence incarnate (though less so since Magnus had begun to tear that away layer by layer with each intimate activity they indulged in). He never wanted that shine of adoration in his eyes to falter. And this was certainly one of many ways to accomplish that.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Although that image of him was just that, an image, he couldn't bear to let it slip away. See, Alec had some very dark, hidden truths about himself that he had yet to share with Magnus; despite the fact that they had been together for over six months now. It wasn't because he thought he would judge him. Magnus wasn't that kind of person. He had lived through so much and seen far more horrors than any one person should have to. But that fact didn't quell the uneasy feeling in his stomach anytime the thought of unraveling his darkest secrets to him briefly passed through his mind.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>It had all begun when Alec was barely fourteen. He and Jace had been out on a mission, one of their first ones together, when the horrors of what their young eyes had witnessed shattered the teenagers very souls. They had been too late to save her. The mundane, a curly haired blonde who couldn't have been any older than seven, was ripped into shreds by a horde of shax demons. Her mother, merely yards away, shrieked as she saw what was left of her child in the overgrown grass in the park. What was left of the girl's bright yellow dress transformed crimson by all of the blood spilling from her small body. Her once shining, youthful green eyes now dull and lifeless, staring straight at them with what seemed to be an accusatory glare.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p><em>'How could you let me die?' </em>They almost seemed to say.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>It was impossible that they did; she was long gone afterall. It was most likely a morbid interpretation of her expression by a mortified teenage Alec. Nonetheless, it shook him to his very core.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>After wiping the mother's memory and performing the heart-wrenching task of cleaning up the aftermath and disposing of the remainder of the demons and the child's frail body, the boys had started on the path back to the Institute. Other than the roaring noise of the New York nightlife, the walk was deadly silent. Neither one of them could bring themselves to speak from fear of choking on the tears they could barely keep from spilling down their cheeks. Somewhere along the way they had nearly passed by some mundane bar, when Jace stopped him in his tracks.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>"Wanna grab a drink?" He suggested, tugging on Alec's frayed sleeve to lead him in the direction of the glass double doors up ahead.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec wasn't sure if it was the trauma of what they had just witnessed or his inability to tell Jace no, perhaps a mixture of both, that had him allowing himself to be tugged along. The longing to drown the images in his brain more compelling than the fear of the consequences of being caught by their parents allowing him to wander inside.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>They were still glamoured, so no one inside noticed them, of course. Jace had crouched behind the bar and snatched up a fairly large bottle of vodka from one of the shelves when the bartender was distracted with one of her unruly customers. He lead Alec to a utility closet at the back of the bar and placed a locking rune on the doorknob. It took his inexperienced, fumbling fingers nearly five whole minutes to rip the cap off of the bottle. They each argued over who should try it first, both being equally nervous.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec eventually relented, as always. The first swig of the drink nearly had him gagging. As Jace took his turn, he was left wondering why on earth all of the adults at home seemed to enjoy this stuff at parties. It tasted like what he would imagine bleach would taste like and it burned his throat and chest as it went down.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>As the sputtering and coughing died down, he felt it. The numbing feeling in his limbs and the weight slowly lifting off his mind had him snatching the bottle back up and taking another drink. They passed the bottle back and forth until it was over halfway empty, deciding to tuck it away and save it for another rainy day. At that point the both of them were well beyond tipsy. For the very first time in his entire life, Alec had gotten drunk. His mother would slit his throat if she ever found out, but even that thought was nothing more than a forethought. He had never felt so free, so weightless before.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>The boys had stumbled their way out of the closet after several minutes spent bickering over how to unlock the door, and back into the crowded bar. Alec doesn't remember how he ended up in the balcony of the building and behind the heavy, velvet curtain that separated some of the patrons from the rest of the crowd, but he somehow did because he was slumped up against one of the end tables, staring blankly as the three mundane men in front of him took turns sniffing a powdery, white substance up into their nostrils off of the crystal glass coffee table in front of them.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec had lost Jace ages ago to the crowds, but he felt enamored with the mundanes before him. Not because of them themselves, but at how they behaved after inhaling the mysterious powder. They had appeared to be just like him beforehand, relaxed and carefree. He had no doubt they had had quite a bit to drink as well. But after they inhaled the powder? Their entire demeanors shifted. The men seemed to be in an entrancing state of euphoria, almost as if they were traveling along another plane of existence. Alec, in his drunken state of mind, had been intrigued. When the mundanes were too distracted to take notice, he swiped some of the powder from the table into the palm of his hand and put it up to his nose.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>The first inhale felt like death itself. His nose burned and his eyes watered at the pain. But he eventually understood what the men experienced when they inhaled the powder themselves. Gone was the awkward, stuttering mess that was Alec Lightwood. Gone was his anxious-ridden mind. He felt like he had the whole entire world in the palm of his hand and was scrambling around with all of the potential possibilities he finally had at his disposal.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>That fateful night in the bar was the beginning of his long, extensive experimentation with mundie substances. He went from drinking liquor, to snorting cocaine, to puffing on cigarettes, to hitting blunts, to dropping tabs of acid, to shooting up heroine. Each high was different, some better than others, but they all gave him that relief he needed from the unbearable weight that rested on his soul. He ended up doing his research, of course, because despite how vastly he had changed his inquisitive nature would always be a part of him, and discovered how unhealthy all of his usage was on his body; but he couldn't bring himself to care enough to stop or slow down.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>He had lost his will to live that night he witnessed that poor little girl torn into pieces, his faith in the world and life itself something of ancient history. If there really was a higher power, the angels, as his people called them, how would they allow such a monstrous event to occur? How could they let that innocent girl be taken from this earth in such a violent, horrific way? If they were as divine and holy as they had been made out to be, and deserving of the worship millions of his people had delivered them, they never would have allowed that to happen.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>The day it all changed was when he met Magnus Bane. Each moment he shared with the entrancing warlock restored a tiny piece of his long-broken soul. No matter how amazing he was and still is, it hadn't been quite enough to completely stop or slow his using too much. That was, until he had his first overdose.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec had accidentally injected too much heroine into his veins, and it had taken every bit of Jace's strength and Izzy's medical knowledge to save him from his untimely demise. Once he came to in his bed in the Institute, a cold, chilling feeling slithered down his veins and across his skin.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>'What if that day had been the last time I had gotten to see Magnus? The last time I got to see his glittering smile or hear his soft, melodic voice? What if I had actually died? What if I had forever shattered his beautiful heart with my reckless behavior? What if...'</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>All of those thoughts combined with his sister's stubborn persistence and medical assistance had been just what he needed to get better. He wasn't completely clean now. He still smoked weed and had the occasional cigarette; and on an even rarer occasion, indulged in some light cocaine usage. But he was healthier now. He wasn't at such high risk of losing the one person that gave him the will to push through his darkest days and nights. And that would be enough for now.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>He put out the joint into the concrete below, deciding he'd had more than enough for the night. He never did this so close to seeing Magnus so it was better he limit his usage lest he catch on to him. His eyes flew open when he heard the telltale signs of a portal being opened inside the loft. Alec, in a panic, launched the rest of it over the balcony, mentally cursing himself for wasting it. He shook off that thought and walked inside to greet his boyfriend. </p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>When Magnus' eyes landed on him and graced him with that look he had been looking forward to seeing when he got home earlier, it caused his heart to flutter in his chest. Alec grinned, lopsided and goofy at the sight of the happiness just seeing him brought to the warlock. He made to throw himself into his waiting arms, but halted in place at the last second.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>'What if he smells it on me? I didn't have time to shower before he came in...' </em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Magnus levels him with a concerned look, his smile faltering. Alec stuttered for a few seconds; trying to figure out what he should say. Attempting to think up an excuse for his abnormal behavior.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>"I'm just gonna... Uh... Go hop in the shower. Yeah, I didn't have the chance to earlier," he explains.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>His answer only seems to confuse his boyfriend even more. Magnus steps towards him but just as he does Alec nearly doubles the space that had been between them before. The hurt that flashes across Magnus' eyes makes him feel guilty as hell; but he couldn't risk him possibly smelling him.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>What if he kicked him out of the apartment? He might have crossed a serious boundary just now. Maybe Magnus would be appalled that he even dared to think about smoking a joint on his balcony. Or even worse... What if he broke up with him? What if he became disgusted at the realization that he was in love with an addict? Someone so weak they couldn't even make it through a tough day without lighting up? He was so pathetic...</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>While Alec had been stuck inside his head, thoughts of self-loathing filling up his mind, he didn't notice Magnus move again until it was too late. He was standing mere inches away from him, hand reaching up to stroke his jawline with his fuchsia-painted fingertips. Alec could almost see the exact moment that Magnus scented the weed on his clothes, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion and hand freezing mid-air. Alec audibly gulped.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>The room remained silent for several long, excruciating moments. His anxiety began to overpower the relaxation in his bones. If Magnus was gonna tell him to hit the door, why was he just standing there, drawing out the inevitable? Why couldn't he just spare Alec the anticipation and just do it already? The shadowhunter went to take a step towards the front door, ready to hightail his ass out of the apartment, when Magnus finally decided to break the silence.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>"Is that marijuana I smell on you?" He asks, in what sounds to be shock and utter disbelief.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec sighs, shoulders slumping in defeat. He pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, unable to bring himself to look into his boyfriend's eyes when he answers his inquiry. He couldn't bear to see the disappointment that would soon fall across his face.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>"I-I... I'm sorry..." He croaks, eyes watering up with tears of shame.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec startles when he hears a thunderous laugh echo through the loft. He slowly removes his hand from his face to see Magnus pressing a hand against his own mouth in a useless attempt at stifling his laughter. Alec's face scrunches up, conflicted as to what was so funny about this situation. Was Magnus laughing <em>at </em>him? Was he just so pathetic that it was humorous?</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>No...</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Magnus wasn't like that. No matter what he had done he would never laugh at him. He may yell, snap, or argue with him, but never laugh. He knew deep down that he respected him and cared about him too much to do that. And besides that, he wasn't that kind of person. Magnus' soul was so beautiful it was pretty much completely incapable of laughing at someone else's expense. Unless they totally deserved it... Lorenzo Rey of course coming to the forefront of his mind. That guy definitely deserved to be on the receiving end of Magnus' mockery.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>"Alexander, darling, what are you sorry about? It's no big deal. I was just surprised, that's all," he says.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>He probably wouldn't have been so open with his thoughts if he was more sober, but the thc in his system had his tongue a little loosened. "Don't... I mean... Aren't you disappointed in me?" He replies, scratching the back of his head.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Magnus raises an eyebrow. "What's there to be disappointed about?"</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec huffs, slightly annoyed that he had to explain. It should be totally obvious. Was he just playing dumb to spare his feelings? He sincerely hoped that was not the case. He couldn't bear laying down next to him in their warm, inviting silken sheets, drifting off to sleep under the impression that everything was alright when in reality Magnus was harboring feelings of repulsion towards him for what he does.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>"Because I'm a failure..." Alec says slowly.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Magnus scoffs. He rolls his eyes and wraps his fingers around Alec's wrist, dragging him along towards the direction of the living room. He motions for him to sit down on the sofa, to which he instantly complies. He was just relieved that he wasn't being thrown out... Yet.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Magnus conjured up a martini and sank down into the cushion next to him. He took a delicate sip as he seemingly collected his thoughts.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>"Why do you think you're a failure, Alexander?" He asks</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec picks at the hem of one of the sleeves to his oversized hoodie, glad for the weight it added and wiggle room it allowed him. His baggy clothes made him feel safer than anything else. While the clothes that Magnus bought for him sometimes were beautiful, and not too outlandish for his style, he didn't appreciate them as much as his holey sweaters and baggy jeans. They made him feel invisible, so unnoticeable and dull that nobody could even bother looking at him long enough to judge. Nobody could judge what they couldn't see, right?</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec nibbles at his bottom lip, pulling his already chapped lip between his teeth, a nervous habit he'd developed as a young child. "Because I'm not strong... I-I can't bear the weight of the days without an outlet like this... You- you thought I was strong-willed and pure, but now you know that I'm n-not," he hiccups.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Magnus reflects on his small speech for a few seconds. Alec still can't bring himself to look him in the eyes again, too ashamed of himself to muster the courage. He feels soft fingertips gently grasp his chin and guide his eyes up to meet his boyfriend's. Magnus waves his martini around in the air, the liquid inside nearly sloshing over the rim of the glass as it went.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>"Darling, listen to me and listen closely, okay? You see this in my hand? This is <em>my </em>outlet. Does it make me lesser or weaker that I indulge in it from time to time?" He asks.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec instantly shakes his head.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>"See? Our outlets do not reflect the strength we have inside of us. Sometimes we just need a break. Some time to relax and unwind and not have to worry about being strong at all given hours of the day. It's okay to need that, sweetheart. You bear so much weight on your shoulders that I'm surprised you don't have wrinkles by now. I'm relieved that you've found a way to let loose some of that tension when I'm not around to do so myself. It's perfectly normal, darling. Weed is actually healthier to utilize that alcohol even is," he states, lightly stroking along his cheek as he speaks.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Before Alec could stop the words from tumbling out of his gigantic mouth, he mutters, "I'm sure coke isn't."</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec draws in a shaky, startled breath. Did he really just say what he was thinking out loud, wide in the open? He said it pretty quietly; maybe Magnus hadn't quite caught-</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>"You use cocaine?" Magnus asks. His words weren't filled with any judgment or repulsion as he'd been anticipating. They were stated so simply it was like he was asking him where he wanted to order takeout from.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec swallows around the lump forming in his throat and nods. He forces himself to use his words, feeling the need to attempt an explanation at his behavior. "I don't do it so much anymore but... I used to a whole lot. I used to use heroine and coke and acid and all kinds of other mundane narcotics but I quit a lot of it a few months back."</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>If his first revelation wasn't enough for Magnus to throw him out, this one certainly would be. Nobody wants to date an addict. Despite the fact that he'd been clean for a few months now, he would still always be an addict for the remainder of his life. He would always have days where he ached for the feeling the needles or powder always brought him. He was strong enough to fight against it, he was certain. But he would still crave it. Nobody deserves to constantly stress over the possibility of their partner relapsing and falling back down into that dark, helpless place. Especially someone like Magnus.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Magnus Bane deserved far more than Alec could ever dream of giving him. That was one fact he would always be certain of.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>"Oh, sweetheart... I had no idea... I'm so sorry," Magnus murmurs, wrapping his palm around the nape of his neck and pulling him into a hug. Alec buries his face into the junction between his shoulder and his neck, the scent of his sandalwood wash more addicting than anything he'd ever encountered.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything..." He whispers against his skin.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Magnus begins to run his fingers through his hair, gently untangling the knots underneath. While it sent some brief hints of pain up his scalp, the action was more comforting than painful. Alec practically purrs at the action, nuzzling closer to the warmth beneath him.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>"I'm sorry that I didn't notice. I'm sorry that I was so caught up in my work that I missed all of the signs..."</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec jolts up from his position against his boyfriend's shoulder, eyes hard and expression leaving absolutely no room for argument. "No. You do <em>not </em>get to blame yourself for my actions. <em>Especially</em> when I never even told you about them in the first place. I will not allow it."</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Rather than argue as Alec had been anticipating, Magnus simply smiles, his cat-slitted pupils lighting up with love and adoration. "There's that strength I was talking about, love. You could command an entire army with a single sentence. That strength will always be a part of you, Alexander, no matter how many times you may fall. You always get back up and pick up the pieces. It's one of the many reasons I fell in love with you in the first place."</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Alec's heart melts into a puddle of goo at the proclamation. Unable to hold back any longer, he wraps his palm around the nape of Magnus' neck and jerks him into a hard, bruising kiss. He shudders when he feels Magnus moan against his lips, blood pumping harder through his body. Magnus slid his hands down his sides, applying just enough pressure to keep him grounded to this plane of existence rather than lose his mind to the intoxicating feeling that his boyfriend never failed to provide him with.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Maybe Magnus was right. Perhaps his failures really didn't define him. The strength he insisted that was melded into his core, being far more telling of his character than anything else. Because, like Magnus had said, no matter how many times life knocked him on his ass he still brushed himself off and got back to work. Despite how much stress his siblings caused him or how demanding his position was or how ignorant the clave was, he still stood tall and fought his battles with everything he had.</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>As long as Magnus was by his side, he didn't fear falling as much as he did before. He trusted him to always catch him before he crashed. In his darkest moments, when he felt he had no more strength to give, Magnus granted him the will to keep going. The love he felt for him and the love that Magnus showed him would always be his biggest source of strength.</p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm back y'all! I lost my inspiration for writing for a very long time but now that I'm basically unemployed and in quarantine again I have a lot more time on my hands to sit down and work on getting my inspiration back. I'll be updating on my fics sometime soon so if you're still following those then be on the lookout!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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